Stop Forcing Yourself and Reduce Pain

Stop forcing yourself. Fatigue can be self-created by forcing yourself. You suffer when you dis-empower yourself by feeling that you are not in control of your destiny and force yourself to do something. All that you create – or do not create in your life – comes from choice.

Force is not power

Force and power are not the same, even though they can feel like it. Embrace and understand the dynamics of this essential ingredient of personal power.  Freedom lies in understanding that you choose everything! Even in “inaction” there is a choice. In reality, there is no true inaction or stagnation.

When You Stop Forcing Yourself Pain and Fatigue Reduce

Whenever you are engaged in an activity that you don’t want to do, you are acting in opposition to yourself. Unfortunately part of your energy is going towards doing the activity. But another part of your energy is going towards resisting the activity.


That resisting energy creates conflict within ourselves. When we distract ourselves with, for example, Facebook or TV, engage in suppression activities like over excess drinking or drugs, procrastinate, etc. Creates conflict.  All the above actions lead to various energy-sucking emotional states; anxiety, anger, and depression. Sometimes the opposition shows up as unconscious sabotage. Also called counter-intention which is when our conscious intention conflicts with our unconscious.

In contrast, when you are doing something that you are passionate about, you love and believe in, you are fully engaged. When every part of you is engaged in the activity and you are happy, an incredible amount of joy, creativity, and productivity is possible. This was famously advised in the quote below.

“My general formula for my students is “Follow your bliss.” Find where it is, and don’t be afraid to follow it.” – Joseph Campbell

End Self Justification

You can justify any situation in your life by proclaiming, “I have no choice” “I cannot do anything to change my circumstances” “there is nothing I can do” etc. That is a false belief.  You can “choose” to allow the outer world to affect how you see your situation – yet; there is never a situation in which you do not have power and a choice.

Remember the age-old wisdom; it is not what happens; it is how you react to what happens.

With each choice, there is a consequence and an energetic price to be paid. Click To Tweet

So, it is not that you do not have a choice – instead, you are choosing which energetic price you are willing to pay.

For example, if you are currently in an unhappy work situation you can make choices.  

  1. Stay there – because you are fearful of change, of the economy or whether or not you can find another means of income. Usually, the price you will pay for this choice is continued feelings of unhappiness, boredom, anger, hopelessness, lethargy and depression.  Eventually, these emotions will affect other areas of your life.
  2. You can continue at that workplace and change energetically how you see your situation. You can help to self-heal in any situation with your thoughts. Using an empowering thought can create a dramatic change in how you see your situation.  “I will stay in this job because it is providing me with an income at this time. I will keep my eyes open for new opportunities and know that this is a temporary situation and I can choose again at any time”.
  3. Leave any job with the understanding that you are a creative being and can create new sources of income. This choice can seem the most “expensive” choice in terms of energy because the fear of the unknown is huge. Yet, on another level, it is not as expensive energetically as forcing yourself to stay at an unhappy workplace. What is required is letting go of fear and faith in yourself.  

Translated, the first of these three examples is actually the most “expensive” energetically. The seemingly least scary and most gentle of the three is the second and the most daring and least costly is the last.

Stop Forcing Yourself in Relationships

Forcing is even easier to understand in relationships, in what Empowered Self Healing refers to as co-regulation.

Examples of three primary relationship choices are:

  1. When you stay in an unhappy, stagnant or abusive relationship is a choice. Then continue to hide or complain about how miserable you are. You can convince yourself that you cannot leave this relationship for various reasons. In fact, you can justify or make excuses for your situation, all while living in fear, anxiety and pain. Or you can choose to dream about what else may be out there but never give yourself an opportunity to explore any possibility. This choice (seeming non-choice) takes a huge amount of energy.
  2. You can choose to stay in the relationship with an affirmation such as,  “I love this person. I will communicate my feelings to help bring about changes which I will focus on.  If after a time, I see that the situation has not or will not change, then I will choose again”. By doing this or another affirmation, you empower yourself, knowing that you are staying because it is your choice. It is not because there are no other options.
  3. Or you can choose to leave the dysfunctional relationship. This choice will the difficult short-term, because this choice may lead to loneliness and even pain. You can feel anxiety, sadness and loss. However, with this new freedom, the level of your anxiety, negative thoughts and feelings will diminish in time, making way for life-affirming energy.  An affirmation could be “I am choosing to leave this relationship/friendship because it is not contributing to my joy and ultimate happiness. I know there are numerous opportunities to meet new friends and lovers.”

Self Pressure is Not Motivation

It is important to recognize pressuring yourself or forcing yourself is very different from motivating yourself. Motivating yourself will get you to take action while pressuring yourself will only result in freezing your limbs and brain cells into a state of inaction. Try to say yes to positive actions by saying no other actions.

For real motivation

Here are examples of what to say YES to:

Being creative – letting the imagination fly

Going to lunch with positive and energetic friends
Going for walks

Noticing beauty
Relaxing in bed till noon coming up with ideas  
Thinking about big questions like – what is the purpose of life?
Writing in a journal

Doing something you love daily
Learning passive income strategies

Loving someone
Going to workshops to learn…

Add your own …..

Then eliminate the NOs in your life.

Notice when you spend time thinking about those people in your life who drain energy. Say no to letting them rent precious brain space. Let go of the people who are drains in your life.

Next, ask what time can be limited doing what you dislike doing, and tasks in which you may not quite so skilled – household chores, administrative work, accounting, paying bills etc.

Ask yourself are you are able to afford to hire someone to help you with these tasks. When you can’t hire someone because of affordability or you are unable to find someone, then ask yourself – is it worth to not complete this task? If yes, then know it is a choice.

When you are currently unable to pay to have others help you complete the task, consider bartering with others in exchange for your own services that you love to do. This is the basic idea of the sharing economy.  

During these specific life changes, there will be people from whom you will receive a lot of flak and pressure about getting things done. Other people may have their ideas of what you should do, but you know in your heart that only you decide what you are going to do.

Stop forcing yourself because no matter how much blame, guilt and shame is sent your way.  What you do is your decision. You can take up those emotions or ignore them.

End the forcing in your life so you can use your innate power. Fatigue and pain will lessen.



Understanding Psychological Reactance New Developments and Findings  Christina Steindl, Eva Jonas, Sandra Sittenthaler, Eva Traut-Mattausch, and Jeff Greenberg

Stop doing shit you don’t like

Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma : the Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences  Peter A. Levine

Are you Forcing your Feelings for Someone?

How to stop loving someone




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